Wild and free is how I dreamed I’d be. Living life my way, hiking over moutains and through jungles without a care in the world. Strong, confident, and creative too. My own kind of hero. Living an adventurous life, healing the planet as I go.
Whilst on the whole, I’m far from unhappy, most of that (and much more besides) has remained a dream.
My interests and ambitions have evolved over the years, but there are underlying themes that have followed me since my earliest memories. Somehow though, I’ve only flirted gently or for short periods with any of my desires, and others I’ve ignored completely.
I’m only now beginning to question and understand why.
Clarity. Confidence, Commitment. Consistency.
Or lack thereof at various points along the way.
Clarity… knowing what I want.
Confidence… belief in my ability to make a success out of whatever it is.
Commitment… To make a choice and follow it through, without fear of missing out on other things.
Consistency… To be consistently true to myself and my ideals
Some small amount of wisdom has come to me with the passing of the years, and now, with the benefit of hindsight and two small children, I am learning (slowly) to accept who I am, and where I am (metaphorically speaking), with less judgement and regret for that which has passed.
And with this acceptance, I’m starting to glimpse the Clarity required to Cultivate the Confidence, Commitment and Consistency that I’ve often missed on my journey so far.
I still have a long way to go, but it feels as though I’ve turned a poignant page in the book of my life, and even considering my other responsibililties (taken on deliberately and gladly), I’m no longer prepared to compromise my values, my fulfillment, nor my ideals.
Nothing I wish for is impossible. Nothing I feel is irrelevant.
It’s not too late, I can make time for whatever I want.
I am allowing myself, to be myself.
To be present, but not to lose myself in everything else that’s happening around me.
Stuart Westwood 