…is about to return ‘home’.
For me this is a contradiction in terms.
I have felt most at home in places where I’m considered a foreigner, and most restless in my ´home´ country. However, despite this, or perhaps even because of this, I find myself preparing to return to my country of birth, less than an hour’s drive from the town I grew up in (and tried so hard to escape).
And I’m looking forward to it. I can’t quite believe I’m saying it, but it’s true. It’s also true that I’m nervous about the prospect of living somewhere with such a large population, falling into the rat-race, a job I don´t care about and a house with no view from any of the windows. Of course, trading the year-round summer of the tropics, for the excessively seasonal mid-northern latitudes is also slightly worrying. I’ve gone soft after 13 years away. Anything less than 20 degrees sees me donning a woolly hat and a fleece… and that’s indoors.
But there is the other side. I enjoy rain, rare as it is here, and thunderstorms are a wonder. The island grinds to a halt when it hails so hard for 10 minutes (a once-in-5-year-event) that the volcanoes are white as snow for an hour or so. I’m looking forward to bird song, new growth in the spring, long days in the summer. Rivers and mountains a short train or long bike ride away.
I’m not returning alone. I’m bringing my wife and 2 children, and I feel compelled to make this a success for them as much as for me. Fulfilling work, time enough for each other and a chance to see the country of my childhood through their eyes. My turn to be the local and for them to be the foreigners. It’s not for me to be their guide however, but for them to be mine. For us to experience this time on familiar soil as a new adventure. For me to be the foreigner once again, and not ‘homesick’ for far-off lands, new languages, other cultures and customs.
Preparing to leave our home of choice, as it has been for the largest part of our adult lives, brings up a surprising number of emotions. Knowing that the countdown is on has helped us to open our eyes wider and realise everything we have had to be grateful for here. Julia and I fell in love here. All our children were born here. It’s inherently less stressful here than anywhere else I’ve lived before. Great beach on the doorstep, huge open views from all sides of the house. We’ve lived well here.
But we’ve also grown a little complacent.
It’s time for a change, a new challenge, a shock to the system to reignite some fires of inspiration. I’m going ´back´, for us to move forward. To open some new horizons for us and our wonderful children. To begin a new chapter of our story.
Stuart Westwood 