Thank goodness it’s done is all I can say! We spent four weeks camped out in front of my 3 year old son’s new school until he was ready to go through the gate, and stay inside of his own accord. From 8:30am until 12:30 pm. Monday to Friday. Screams, tears, refusing to let go of us, or even to leave the house in the morning sometimes. We were engaged in a psychological tug of war. We would never have pushed him through the gate kicking and screaming, but if ever we gave in, as I confess I did on one particular morning, the happy carefree little boy immediately rediscovered his cheerful demeanour during the first three steps homeward.
Using his tantrums as a tool. His will against ours. It was certainly a test of our parental patience. In order to show him that we recognised his discomfort, whilst not giving in to his emotional outbursts, we opted to sit it out. On the floor, outside the school gate. It’s a good job we live in a warm climate! Most of the time, we did nothing but sit quietly, talking of this and that, trying not to make a big deal out of it, whilst being clear however, that this was neither playtime nor home time. We waited until the first child went home, and then we could also leave. Sometimes he went through the gate for a minute or two, never disappearing from view, and then came out again. Other days, we just watched through the bars as the other children played. Some of them regularly invited him to join them, but it wasn’t until sometime in the third week that he finally decided to give it a proper go. And then little by little, day by day, he stayed longer and longer, until after a month, we could finally leave him, with only the slightest grumble as we walked away.
He loves it now, but it was an exhausting month. The paradox of this pandemic situation is that being furloughed from work allowed us the time to work through this difficult experience with our son, rather than feel forced to leave him there screaming because we didn’t have another choice. However I think that the extended lockdown and the new restrictions were essentially the cause of the trials in the first place. Having spent 6 months with only his family for company, finding himself thrust into a building he doesn’t know, with people whose faces are hidden behind masks, speaking a language that he has heard very little of during the last half-year (we live in Spain, but speak English and German at home), I can well imagine that it must have been a daunting experience for a 3 year old. For us parents too. We couldn’t go into the school with him, nor talk much with the teachers. This wasn’t how we planned it. We imagined a soft and interactive beginning where we were part of the journey. Getting to know the school with him, as we did nearly two years earlier in kindergarten.
We nearly threw in the towel, frustrated as we were, but in hindsight it was worth the struggle. It was the best way given the circumstances, to get through a challenging phase. One made all the more difficult by the rules and regulations of these strange times we’re living in. He’s happy at school and we’re happy rediscovering the freedom of five child-free mornings per week.
Stuart Westwood 