Progress

In a previous post, I took stock of my current situation and promised (myself as much as anyone else) to share my journey forward from here. An exercise in self-accountability and practicing a daily habit of writing. Since that post, I have begun a writing course, opened an instagram account, and covered my desk with paper filled with my somewhat out-of-practice scrawl. Typing is ok, but I still prefer to write with a pen, and as long as the paper can handle it, a fountain pen. I’m still using one I owned when I was at school.

The course I am doing is a commercial writing course, but the daily writing habit I am trying to cultivate is more about emptying my head on to a page or three without censorship or excessive thought. Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes not so much. Occasionally it reveals something interesting, and once I’m in the flow, it’s always enjoyable.

I’m battling a little with my own impatience and the inner struggles that come with priority changes and big decisions, and I’m recognising a few of the fears that have held me back from taking some of these decisions earlier. All the usual suspects in varying doses. Failure, attachment, rejection, acceptance, getting stuck, not having enough money, living in the wrong place etc. I always thought I was above and beyond these concerns, but as I take a closer look at myself, whilst I haven’t been as deeply affected as some others perhaps, I have certainly felt their influence at various points along the way.

I’ve also done a lot of reading. Seemingly all the right books about freeing yourself from the daily grind, becoming more successful, working less and earning more, starting your own business, simplifying your life, living your dreams, and earning a living from your passions (once you’ve worked out what they are of course). I’ve listened to podcasts, read articles, subscribed to newsletters, and thought about doing some courses, but usually decided against it when I found out how much they cost. What I have yet to do is take serious and committed action on the things I learn from all the reading, listening and watching. Knowledge is not power until it is put to appropriate use.

Inspired by a recent conversation with a friend, my wife reminded me, yet again, and in a rather uncomfortable fashion, that we are still ‘going around in circles’ with our ifs, buts and maybes, and our we-need-to-do-this-first-and-then-we-can… approach to our dreams. We have tripped up over our own excuses for too long. It’s not that we haven’t been busy, quite the contrary, yet all that busyness hasn’t moved us much closer to our ambitions.

We have lived too long in a state of expectation of our goals…. they’re coming! Only tomorrow never comes, and dreams remain dreams.

We must begin to view the present as the gift that it is, and move forward as if we are already achieving our goals, living our dreams and reaching our highest ambitions. Work through the fatigue sometimes, get up earlier or go to bed later. Do not put off until tomorrow that which can be done today. Do not allow ourselves to be having these same conversations 10 years, 5 years or even one year from now.

We are who we want to be, going where we want to go, and living life how we want to live it. Here and now.